Most of us are conversant with standard ninja and kung fu plan of attack , but did you know that there ’s a technique that conjures Dracula to vanquish your enemy ?
According to bargain bin cinema , martial arts allow you to do anything and everything you damn well please . I was front through the io9 archives the other Clarence Shepard Day Jr. , and I noticed that our coverage ofthe super vagina house of cards ninjutsu(link debatably NSFW ) was still pay back ridiculously eminent dealings months later .
https://gizmodo.com/q-whats-the-worst-ninja-magic-ever-a-the-evil-vagin-5642030
I ’m not sure whether this is significative of our readers ’ sexual love of mad martial artistic creation photographic film or their propensity to Google “ io9 vagina . ” In any case , here are 15 or so gobsmacking ninpos , martial arts , and black technique . We institute you what you need .
[ Top figure viaBRNS . Massive chapeau tip toSandronicus1313 ’s YouTube Thomas Nelson Page . ]
Kung Fu From Beyond The Grave — Dracula Summoning
Yes , there is a martial arts maneuver to summons Count Dracula . It is the only one you ’ll ever need .
Shaolin Popeye — Death Farting
I ’ve never seen Shaolin Popeye , but this power alone construct him / his boy / whoever this small fry is better than the American Popeye and his spinach steroids . This sophisticated play also featureda scene of fishing with one ’s doodle .
The Crippled Masters — Bionic Friends
This is like Master Blaster , but a thousand time ripe .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PG63tiVyDCY
conjuration of Spell — ? ? ? ?
This batshit Formosan fantasy flick resist verbal description , so I wo n’t even attempt a synopsis . Press recreate and turn off your brain . Watch the whole thinghere .
Buddha ’s Palm — Acid Pimple
With the proper training ( and by always wear a facial mask of chicken grime and avocado butter ) , you too can twist the sebaceous gunk clogging your pore into a mortal artillery .
Magic of Spell — Laser Peach
A jumbo levitating beauty that shoot lasers ? Now that ’s what I call tangible plotting .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPFBjNVByJ4
Blowgun Magic
I think this is from some movie called Peach Kid ( or perhaps a sequel of Magic of Spell ) . In any case , you may watchthe whole filmhere ( I think ) .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rA40FvB11HQ
Ninja Wars — Female Head - Switching
In this sequence , five wicked ninja flip a female ninja ’s headland with that of the governess ’ in some shitty gambit to restore her virginity . Watch ithere .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDG5qYoHWVs
Shaolin Invincibles — Gorilla Kung Fu
The Hong Kong remake of Congo had no book and 1/200th of the original ’s budget .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-2D0wq6LgA
Shaolin Prince — Dead Spouse Ghost Possession
A woman ’s dead husband possesses her , kicking off an utterly ridiculous monk battle .
Jade Dagger Ninja — Super Hair Growing Murder Power
This fellow grows a full devil haircut in 10 seconds and pummels the moxie out of some dudes .
Kung Fu Wonder Child — Vampire Children
What ’s worse than a hop Chinese vampire ? A pair of Chinese vampire toddler . For more Jiang Shi insanity , check outThe Gods Must Be Crazy 3(of all flick ) .
https://gizmodo.com/chinese-vampire-invades-africa-in-the-gods-must-be-craz-5480396
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqaXixaO7gY
fiend of the Lute — Deadly Scissors and Helicopter Child
In a film like this , secret plan , character development , story arc , and dialog are extremely unnecessary .
Holy Weapon — Exploding Bird Men + Super Strength
Another amercement , indescribable conflict that defy comprehension .
The Battle Wizard — More Gorilla Fighting + Frog - Eating
This is on equation with Magic of Spell . Do n’t believe too hard about what you ’re watching .
Holy Weapon — Spider Seduction Magic
Lady turns into elephantine wanderer , eviscerate a bunch of dudes . The subtitles are amazing .
Ninjas
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